


Tea with the Queen

by orphan_account



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Flower Crowns, Human Spike, Swearing, Tea Parties, brief mention of gender reversal, not technically mpreg, three year olds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy thought nothing could surprise her anymore.</p><p>She was wrong.</p><p>So very wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tea with the Queen

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a larger fic 'verse that I'm contemplating but will probably never write. What you need to know is that Spike is human and married to Buffy. And also a curse made him female and Buffy male for a while. And then he got pregnant by Buffy.
> 
> I come up with some weird shit man.
> 
> And also this is still Taylor's fault.

Buffy had seen a lot in her thirty years of life. Vampires, demons, werewolves, witches, evil monks, evil armies, evil candy stores (don’t ask), and the end of the world several times over had all come across her path and reared their ugly (sometimes beautiful) faces at her. There were few things left in life that were left to surprise her. She was a stone in the middle of a stormy sea. She had seen everything and therefore nothing could shake her. Nothing could topple her. Nothing could break her. It sounded very high-and-mighty, but after you stop the apocalypse for the third time, you get to be a little full of yourself.

The point is that nothing surprised Buffy Anne Summers anymore.

Almost nothing.

“What in the world is going on?” Buffy asked incredulously, not sure that the scene in front of her was even real (wouldn’t be the first time that happened).

The scene in question was her husband (an evil vampire who tried to kill her/an evil vampire who helped her/a good vampire in love with her/a good vampire with a soul in love with her/a vampire turned human who was still in love with her) sitting on the floor with their three year old daughter (born via a curse which switched herself and her husband’s genders for a little while, which wasn’t the _direct_ cause of her conception, but you couldn’t really blame them for experimenting) with various plastic teacups and plates set about them, along with several stuffed animals. This wasn’t exactly new territory (she was familiar with imaginary tea parties for stuffed animals), but the flower crowns were an unexpected addition.

They were very well crafted crowns. Each stuffed animal had its own specific crown woven to exactly the size of their heads. Three year old Joy had her own crown of plastic flowers, more intricate and better arranged. Spike also had a flower crown of similar design, and appeared to be in the process of creating another one.

“Hi mummy!” Joy said excitedly, “I’m a fairy princess!” she said, indicating her crown.

“It’s a tea party. Honestly Buffy, you’ve been in this country how long?” Spike said, still twisting the fake flowers together for another crown.

Buffy blinked. She rubbed her face with her hands, not caring if she smeared her makeup at this point, “Spike, you are officially the least manly person in this house.”

Now Spike looked up, “Now hold on a tick, I’m plenty masculine.”

“Spike, running makes you wheeze.”

“I had tuberculosis you—“

“You do none of the heavy lifting in the house.”

“You’re a bloody superhero.”

“You’re weaving _flower crowns_.”

“It’s not that hard actually.”

“William,” Buffy said, “ _You gave birth to our daughter_.”

Spike stopped here, “Okay, I can’t actually argue with that one. Do you want to be the fucking fairy queen or not?” he asked, holding up the last crown.

“Come on mummy, the tea is going to get fucking cold.” Joy said cheerfully.

Buffy locked into a staring contest with her husband. He stared right back, neither of them backing down. After a minute Buffy sighed and took the crown from Spike and sat down in the place Joy had set out for her.

“You know in a few years when she starts school, we’re going to get so many letters home about her language.” she said, placing the crown on her head. It was a really pretty crown, she had to admit.

“Well, they can deal with it. I’m not letting my little girl stunt her vocabulary because some soccer mom bitch thinks it’s inappropriate.” Spike grumbled, “I’ll be mother.” he said as he picked up the teapot.

“Didn’t we already establish that?” Buffy said with a chuckle.

“Do you want this tea in your cup or your lap?” Spike growled.

Buffy pantomimed zipping her mouth shut and held out her cup for some (iced) tea (too dangerous to have a tea party with a three year old with hot tea). So she’d seen a lot of crazy from the world. The occult no longer held any mystery for her, but she was discovering that domesticity held a few twists and turns that she hadn’t anticipated.

And that was just fine with her.


End file.
